Four-Letter Tones
Clean speech is not enough
by L. 'Ailina Laranang, mom of five homeschooled children. Contact her at alaranang@gmail.com
As the wife of an offshore oil rig worker, I know how “emphatic” language can be out there in the Gulf. My husband, Mark, has heard words that would make a sailor blush.
Be that as it may, I’m proud to say Mark and I have thus far managed to successfully raise our children in a profanity-free household. Four-letter words are non-existent in our home, including milder expletives like “Dangit,” and “Freakin’” and “OMG!” Name-calling, as well, doesn’t happen under our roof. There are no crybabies or jerks or sissies here.
This means our children speak kindly and respectfully to each other at all times. They solve their disagreements rationally and maturely without resorting to hurtful words. Right?
Wrong. Our kids skillfully manipulate the English language with phrase combinations that effectively crush spirits, exact revenge and bring a sibling to tears in less time than it takes to say, “Get the heck outta my way, dork!”
Our preteen daughters, Madison and Sunny, are word warriors. They put the “sass” in “sassy” when it comes to verbal combat.
“What in the world is that drawing supposed to be?” Madison sneers.
“None of your business, Maddie. Go away and work on your own stupid drawing.”
(Gasp.) “My drawing isn’t stupid, Sunny! I don’t wanna look at your ugly picture anyway!”
Sunny mocks Madison in an annoying, screechy voice, “I don’t wanna look at your ugly picture anyway!”
“Stop mocking me!”
“Stop mocking me!”
“Mom!” they both yell.
Our girls’ sharp tongues must be a result of nature, because my husband and I certainly don’t talk like that!
Or do we?
Though inappropriate language is banned in our house, Mark and I have never thought to establish boundaries when it comes to tone of voice. I was more than a little appalled when I realized I’ve been guilty of Madison-Sunny-style assaults on more occasions than I can count: “What in the world do you think you’re doing?” “That’s none of your business, young lady!” “Nobody wants you around if you’re going to act like that!” “What on earth were you thinking?!”
No, my children weren’t born with sassy mouths. They’ve had an expert teacher: their mother.
In hearing my daughters fuss at each other so viciously, a truth hit home. Their condescending insults reminded me of similar experiences I had in the past, working for some rather mouthy bosses. I remembered how deflated and worthless I felt when they sneered and scoffed at me the way Madison and Sunny do at each other — the way I do at them sometimes. I remember my supervisors’ venomous words as if it were yesterday: “Why can’t you get it together?” “What’s the problem with you?” “How could you make such a dumb mistake?”
All this time, I’ve mistakenly thought our hearts were relatively safe if we successfully kept bad words out of the home. I had a sense of satisfaction and security thinking my kids would grow up to speak rightly and politely, to each other and to other people. It never occurred to me, however, that an acidic tone of voice can be just as injurious as four-letter words.
To guard our family from the truly profane, eliminating four-letter words is not enough. We have to diligently work to eradicate four-letter tones, too. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but cold tones will break our spirits.
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Claudia B. Laws
Multimedia Editor
The Daily Advertiser, Acadiana.MomsLikeMe.com
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